What if its true, what if this moment i have been dreading and trying to avoid could actually be true. all my fears everything that has held me back from my true greatness all now a mirror for me to look into, why have i been so scared, so calculated for so long. yes i view this life differently, my eyes beyond the norm of society, i have been blessed with vision beyond merely just seeing. But why the hesitation to fully commit to this experience called life, why the constant questioning and doubts and observations.
I have wanted this so much for so long yet every time it was meant to happen i always pulled back, always covered the blessing with so many questions and doubts and fears. But now what if after all this time you are actually here, what if i cant run anymore and i have to face this head on, what will i do, what will i say, how will i face this and not only overcome all my fears but be the best with the blessing before me. The storms of this life have bruised me made me shy away from this experience called life, i have transcended living and have made myself an observer, but if its true that you are here then i will have to reach deep down within heal my own wounds so that you may have the absolute best of me.
Your mom this soldier this Queen who has painstakingly forged a dent in my wall and made herself home prayed for this, she spoke about the possibility of a you every single day, without question detailing just how special it would be to have a piece of each other come together and create life, and the moment may actually finally be here, all her sweat all her unrelenting battles to show her love and affection finally paying off, my walls crumbling and finally i see that the storms that came before where Armour to prepare me for the rays of light in front of me.
My mother and father where never present in my life a pain i still carry with me today, i was blessed with a second family yet i still carried those scars with me wherever life took me, i vowed i would take those lessons and those pains and i would use them for good, i would one day be an extraordinary parent, having experienced the scars of life and been touched by the warm embrace of caring hearts i could use those lessons to pass on knowledge that would give you my greatest blessing a better view of life. All my fears slowly dissipating and slowly a hope rises from within, i am far from prepared yet i am ready for the challenge and this gift of been your Dad.
I waited, i refused to rush this moment, i knew one day it would arise but i always had in the back of my mind that it would be with someone of a pure heart. Countless opportunities yet i always followed my heart and waited. This moment for me had to be forged under the blankets of true love, so whether your mom and i where together or not i would always know we made you from undeniable love, this my gift to you so that wherever life takes you, wherever you may forge your own greatness you would know wholeheartedly that your Mom and Dad loved you with every ounce of their being. I am a complexity not even i understand but looking into your mothers eyes i knew her intentions where true, all my heartache, all my pain, everything i have ever faced exposed to her and in those moments she had a decision to make, either run away and be free or stay and together break down my walls and reveal the possibilities of all we could be.
Our time together truly short yet filled with memories that will live on with me forever, moments that time cannot define. We face obstacles that are present now and in truth they are scary and daunting but somehow looking into your mothers eyes i can see that her will is far greater than our doubts and fears. Know this, you are nothing short of a blessing, know that you where created out of the purest love possible, whatever storms you may face when you arrive know we are behind you every step of the way whether in life or death. Your mother and i will carry you through everything and although we may not have all the answers to how to raise you or guide you properly know we do everything with only love and the hope this life will teach you all you need to learn and give you a view of God that books and monuments may not.
This infinite cosmos of possibilities is all yours now and we will do whatever it takes to guide you to where you need to be. My hope is that you grow up brave and strong, that you face whatever this life throws at you with resilience. Do not fear falling or even failing but promise me you will never stop getting up and moving forward. I may not be with you forever i dont know what tomorrow holds but know i will be looking down at you and protecting you with everything i have in me. The wait was worth it because you are perfect, never allow anyone or anything to diminish your light, let it not only shine bright for yourself but for others too. Walk gently and cherish others but let your steps speak of the strength within. Be brave this life is not easy but with self belief you can climb any mountain or obstacle.
Respect your mother shes the only one you will ever have, love her, protect her and be her shoulder when the world is tearing her down. She had the grace and strength to not only carry you but conceive you all with the deepest love you will ever experience, no man, woman or child will ever compare to the Queen that is your mother. This life is brief care for others, pick others up and protect the world we live in, you will not die with riches on a worldly basis, your riches will be your experiences, how you lived, how you treated others, how you fought not only for your own future but the future of all those around you. You may not be compared to the likes of Mandela, or Malcolm X or Mahatma Gandhi but the little you do on a daily basis will speak of your own personal greatness. You have nothing to prove to the world, know that everything you do, you do for yourself, as your parents we will love you regardless, whatever life choices you make know we will try guide you in the right direction but give you the freedom to be forge your own story, your own journey. This beautiful thing called life is brief take it in, do not put too much pressure on yourself. Live your today and be present in the notion that whatever you do today will play a role in your tomorrow.
Let these words be a reminder that from this very moment till the very end of time I Love You. Although i have struggled to open up emotionally i know that although the words are not escaping these lips that i have loved your mother since our very first kiss and will without a doubt love her till the very last.
“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding
it is the bitter potion by which the physician heals its sick self
Therefore trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility”